Ok, so those of you not on facebook or who haven't seen, I've kinda vented a lot of frustration that has been building up. The causes of which have been adequately explained by Troon to me. So I consider that particular chapter closed.
However, its been brought to my attention, that many of you who attended D*Con 2011 were under the distinct impression I was distancing myself from you.
This could not be further from the truth.
UKCM tradition it to have fun during the day, then more fun at night in the bar. I personally do not have a problem with that.
I don't drink, so I am usually the only one sober in the bar. The antics can be funny, they, from my point of view can also be irritating. That would be fine on its own, but booze loosens tongues and I've had the odd insult thrown at me with cheers from others thinking its a joke. This, as I am fully compus mentus, dents my confidence.
I am also keenly aware that some consider me to be a tight git, someone you're lucky to get a drink froum. This too has been said to me in a bar.
I'll accept that. I am tight. But not through choice. I just don't have the cash to buy everyone a drink.
The comments do not help though, I try to be generous when I can. But find myself trying to stay clear of situations where money will be an issue.
To further compound my dented confience, I was grilled on this forum when I was trying to figure out my budget for D*Con 2011. I was told to stop penny pinching or just not go. I was then told that I shouldn't have bought plane tickets if I couldnt afford to spend money.
This hurt me a lot. I will admit it here now to get it off my chest. I cried it hurt me that much.
I was close to pulling out but I received an apology and that made me reconsider and decide to stay the course.
(FYI to those involved, please. I consider that matter as water long gone under the bridge and it is not the point of this post, you need not say anything.)
However, that chiding, intentional or not, had almost erradicated my confidence. I was yet again made aware that people considered me a penny pincher.
So, come D*Con, I decided to do what I had done in previous drops: Don't stick around in the bar.
I cannot in good conscience sit in a group and accept rounds without the ability to return the favour, especially not when I know some will consider it penny pinching.
At the same time, I don't want to sit there and refuse offers, again because people might get the wrong end of the stick.
The last thing I wanted is for something to happen, live, in a bar, with people watching.
Also, at D*Con I was also keenly aware of some irritation toward me from some members. What for I do not know, but I wanted to avoid shit going south.
So, I decided not to hang around the bar for too long. I was there at times, people saw and spoke to me. I just wasn't there all night.
I actually went to bed around 23:00 or midnight most nights, so as not to miss anything during the next day. PVB will back me up on that.
At UK events, I try to make up for my absence at the bar by generally being on hand to help out wherever I can, talk and chat to people. I thought this was acceptable. (Seems not.)
At D*Con I did spend lots of time with the UACM and USCM and with members of the UKCM (Bugstomper, PVB, Dom and Data will tell you that).
D*Con was my first chance to meet the USCM/UACM and I wanted to spend time with them. I can see you lot anytime at UK events. I hope UKCM members ruffled by my behaviour can understand that. Besides, there was so much to see and do, I'd find myself wandering the Con seeing the sights, meeting people and loosing all track of time. That wasn't intentional, it just happened.
Also, I saw PVB was flagging in strength and energy. I decided to stick with him for a while to:
A) Get to know him
B) Give him someone to talk to and walk the con with
C) Just to keep an eye on him
This didn't take up a great deal of my time, but added to my wandering around seeing things I wanted to see, I can see why some thought I was avoiding them.
You all know, I love Star Trek. And at D*Con there is a helluvalot of Trek based things going on.
I'd never been to a place so accepting of my Trek Pyjamas. I spent a lot of time at the Sheraton.
Again, this must have seemed like I was avoiding you.
As for the penny pinching, I want to lay that subject to rest once and for all:
Those who know me personally know how generous I am. I will give my last penny to anyone, provided I don't need it. Even then, if I can make do without, I'll hand it over.
If I cannot afford to be somewhere, I don't go.
So if you see I am not at the bar, that is the reason. I cannot afford to be.
If you really, really want me at the bar, then bloody drag me. But always be aware, unless otherwise stated, I probably will not be able to buy in a round. It's not because I'm mean, but because I can't.
And now, the apology:
If anyone felt insulted, ruffled or annoyed by my behaviour at D*Con, I most sincerely apologise. I had no intention of avoiding you or snooting away.
Anything I said at the time was covering for my embarrassment and lack of confidence. I realise now, the things I said in that cover up where not the best. I sincerely apologies for that too.
That simply wasn't the normal me.
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